Re: Mattis: Re to Re

Mattis Fishman (mattis@argos.argoscomp.com)
Mon, 02 Aug 1999 17:02:25 -0400 (EDT) 

> You're absolutely wrong about one thing.  The five-year-old kid in 'Down at
> the Dinghy' is a cleverly trans-sexed male version of my now
> thirteen-year-old daughter.  

  Ah! Now if you'd only move to New York I would have a baby-sitter.


> I'm afraid that I must confess a thoroughly nineties crinkle in the little
> anecdote about describing Seymour's suicide to my wife.  She'd read
> APDfB--as Scottie and I both also did--shortly after it fell from Catullus'
> tablet and chisel...

  So your wife has read Salinger, so much for my theories on marital bliss.


>                                                   ...... she assumed I was
> suddenly talking about somebody from work, also named Seymour, whom had
> apparently committed suicide.  She then assumed that he he must have done so
> because he'd been charged with some sort of sexual assault, for grabbing a
> dress that's too long....  Like I said, it's the Nineties.....

  Oh, but here I get to catch up with a home-run in the bottom of the ninth
  (by the way, keep dreaming, Blue Jay fans). In my latest article published in
  The Parisian Review Of Deconstructionism, Psychiatry and Used Citroen Parts
  I conclusively prove that the woman in the elevator was really an F.B.I.
  agent who, after learning via a telephone tap that Muriel's ballerina
  was "too long", and that Seymour had tried to cover-up the fact that Sybil
  was wearing a yellow bathing suit by calling it blue, was on her way to
  arrest Seymour for a long string of sexual assaults.

  Of course with his body completely covered with his bathrobe, she was
  unable to identify him by the invisible stains and scars which covered
  his body. However, Seymour realized that after staring at his bare feet,
  a quick glance at the cover of Abbey Road would be more than enough
  convince her and so he quickly got hold of his pistol and a copy of
  J. D. Salinger's Nine Stories.
  
  But here his plans fell apart, as it appears that the last few words of the
  crucial story had been "whited-out" by a Unniversity of Georgia English
  instructor from Texas who had since fled to England, and so he had no
  choice but to assume that the story ended "through his right temple",
  whereas in the original manuscript it says "through the woman in the
  elevator" leaving us to to forever ponder "if only...".

  And they say the truth is stranger than fiction.

> I had to change the name of this THREAD because I'm temperamentally
> incapable of responding to anything connected with StarWars....

  I had to change the name of this THREAD because I'm temperamentally
  incapable of responding to anything connected with ...

  Of course, you did bring up a point for discussion, namely, while trying
  to remind your wife about the bananafish you felt there was a connection
  between (presumably) the yellow of the bananafish and the yellow
  of Charlotte's dress.  Maybe even the yellow of Sybil's bathing suit
  is significant. It is getting a bit late for me, but I hope that
  someone picks up on this connection, or perhaps you, Paul, care
  to elaborate. I would ask to eavesdrop on the conversation you had with
  your wife on the subject, but I am afraid that I have just invited you
  to compete in my tall tale contest.

  all the best,
  Mattis