Re: not butter, guns

John Smith (johnsmiii@yahoo.com)
Wed, 18 Aug 1999 13:41:29 -0700 (PDT) 

Forget Spandaus and Ouzis, we should commision Chevrolet to design
tanks.  Think of what this would do to the economy.

First product off the assembly line would be weak and inferior, a mere
status symbol.  Aluminum doors, plexiglass windows and an ancient
Gatlin gun on the roof.

Once the product was accepted as a safe and viable alternative to the
Hyundai, or the more expensive Cadillac, the other four of the Big Five
would follow suit.  After a few months of American ingenuity and the
implementation of the gold old fashioned college try, Chrysler would
strengthen it's chassis, include bulletproof windows, and launch scud
missiles to those bastards who flipped the bird or dared to challenge
one's perception of what should be the speed limit.

The finest car manufacturers would soon conform and then improvise by
designing a tank driven by uranium, sporting radar and biological
weapons that induced instanstaneous diarrhea and subsequent death, the
Jaguar way.  Make the poor suffer with diarrhea, but infuse a fellow
Jaguar driver with noxious gas so that he may sleep while driving
through a munitions building.

I think that would be a fine world, Scotty, my old, arch-nemesis.  

John
--- Scottie Bowman <rbowman@indigo.ie> wrote:
> 
>     Last week on British television we were treated
> to the views 
>     of the President of the National Rifle
> Association on 
>     the merits of - as Jim would no doubt put it -
> arming 
>     the populace against the infringements of its
> liberties 
>     by an overweening government.  
> 
>     It's rather easy in these backwaters of
> parliamentary democracy 
>     to fall behind modern thinking in regard to
> political rights 
>     & originally I'd thought it something of a
> drawback to have 
>     the death rate by gunfire increased by several
> hundred fold 
>     when compared with our own rather cissyish
> figures here 
>     in Western Europe.   However, the longer he
> spoke & 
>     the more I thought about it the more I began to
> realise 
>     the advantages of a greater access to guns.
> 
>     To start with, the pack of bastards who are
> forever taking 
>     away my money for what they call 'taxes' would
> think twice 
>     if they knew they were going to have to confront
> a couple 
>     of Spandaus at the end of my driveway.   And the
> cops - 
>     the ones that in this country go by the
> pretentious title 
>     of Gardai Siochana - might be less keen to haul
> me up on 
>     their endless 'speeding' charges if they had
> reason to suspect 
>     I had the old Ouzi in the glove compartment. 
> The same 
>     might go too for those shitty traffic wardens. 
> (God, I can 
>     hardly wait to see their faces when I put out my
> hand 
>     to accept one of their bloody tickets & at the
> same time 
>     pull back the jacket to reveal just the butt of
> the Biretta 
>     in the belt.) 
> 
>     Yes.  Once I was blind.  But now I see.  
> 
>     For which I have to thank the kindly old cove
> who set me 
>     thinking.  Heston, I believe the name was.  Some
> sort of 
>     cinematographic actor Johnny.  During the two
> broadcasts 
>     that I personally caught, he seemed to be
> exhibiting on 
>     his head the trophies of his favourite sport. 
> One was, 
>     by the look of its reddish fur, a dead weasel &
> the other, 
>     more greyish, may have been, I think, an
> extremely elderly 
>     beaver.   Grand old bloke.
> 
>     Scottie B.
> 
> 

_________________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Get your free @yahoo.com address at http://mail.yahoo.com