RE: "...but I'm not gay"

PODESTA,Lesley (Lesley.PODESTA@deetya.gov.au)
Sun, 07 Dec 1997 13:35:51 +1000

Malcolm,=20
Thanks. I loved it.
LP

>----------
>From: 	Malcolm Lawrence[SMTP:malcolm@wolfenet.com]
>Sent: 	Saturday, 6 December 1997 10:52
>To: 	Bananafish List
>Subject: 	"...but I'm not gay"
>
>Allen Ginsberg's death hit me very hard this past spring. Eliot was
>right. April is the cruelest month. And without much trouble at all I
>was able to organize a remembrance for him here in Seattle at the Blue
>Moon Tavern. The link with the Blue Moon being that Kerouac was known =
to
>hoist a few  pints there, and even described doing it in Dharma Bums =
(or
>was it Desolation Angel?...anyhoo...)
>
>Not a lot of people showed up, probably not even ten, even though we =
had
>a PA set up for anyone who wanted to read, and luckily my friend =
Russell
>showed up and he happened to have a couple of the CDs from the Allen
>Ginsberg Holy Soul Jelly Roll box set on him, so we eventually just put
>them on the tavern's PA and let Allen read his own works, meaning Howl,
>Footnote to Howl, America, Van Gogh's Ear, Supermarket in California,
>all sorts of fun stuff.
>
>Before everyone showed up I had my notebook with me and thought I'd
>write something for the occasion because I was thinking about how much
>he meant to this century, this culture (someone once referred to him as
>this century's most "necessary" poet, something which I whole-heartedly
>agree with) the arena of sexual politics, gender politics, politics
>politics, and I kept realizing how "straight" I am.
>
>So I started writing the following and I read it before the proceedings
>began even though I didn't finish it, yet it's the type of poem where
>I'll  probably never actually finish it. Just keep adding to it as
>events allow throughout my years.
>
>Malcolm
>
>-----------------------------
>
>"=85but I'm not gay."
>
>
>I was called a fag all throughout high school, but I'm not gay.
>
>I have written feature spreads on gays in the Campus Christian Ministry
>for the college newspaper, but I'm not gay.
>
>I have comforted male friends through suicide attempts, but I'm not =
gay.
>
>I have slept in the same bed with other men, but I'm not gay.
>
>I have written poems celebrating the love and admiration I had for
>decades long companeros and had them printed on the back page of campus
>newspapers when I was arts editor and it was my birthday: Valentines
>Day=85but I'm not gay.
>
>I have written 50 page plays with an all-female cast and almost had =
them
>performed by the only feminist organization in Glasgow when I lived
>there, then told they'd rather write their own play based on my ideas
>since not only am I male, but English and was raised in the =
States=85but
>I'm not gay.
>
>I have closed out Neighbors, the best dance club in Seattle, ostensibly
>gay=85but I'm not gay.
>
>I have slept with lesbians=85but I'm not gay.
>
>I have worked and lived two blocks off Polk Street in San Francisco, =
but
>I'm not gay.
>
>I have taken Women's Studies courses at WWU in the middle of the Reagan
>80s when there were only 25 females in the class and me=85but I'm not =
gay.
>
>I have taken innocent white tee shirts and scrawled across them "Fear =
of
>Gender" in green Magic Marker and worn them in university =
cafeterias=85but
>I'm not gay.
>
>I love showtunes, Judy Garland, Liza Minnelli, romantic music, opera,
>dance, ballet and the theatre=85but I'm not gay.
>
>I am thin, neat and tidy, don't dress like a slob, am in my thirties =
and
>unmarried, but I'm not gay.
>
>
>
>