Bill of No Rights
Malcolm Lawrence (malcolm@wolfenet.com)
Thu, 15 Jan 1998 23:32:41 -0800
>----
>
>The following was allegedly written by State Representative Mitchell
>Kaye from Cobb County, GA
>
>We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help
>everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more
>riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the
>blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great
>grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some
>common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden
>delusional and other liberal, commie, pinko bedwetters. We hold these
>truths to be self-evident, that a whole lot of people were confused by
>the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No
>Rights.
>
>ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any
>other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire
>them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.
>
>ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This
>country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone - not
>just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different
>opinion, etc., but the World is full of idiots, and probably always
>will be.
>
>ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you
>stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not
>expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives
>independently wealthy.
>
>ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing.
>Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly
>help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing
>generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve
>nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional
>couch potatoes.
>
>ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be
>nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested
>in health care.
>
>ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people.
>If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or kill someone, don't be
>surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.
>
>ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If
>you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens,
>don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in
>a place where you still won't have the right to a big-screen color TV
>or a life of leisure.
>
>ARTICLE VIII: You don't have the right to demand that our children risk
>their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate
>oppressive governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from going
>to fight if you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire
>world and do not want to spend so much of our time battling each and
>every little tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat.
>
>ARTICLE IX: You don't have the right to a job. All of us sure want all
>of you to have one, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but
>we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and
>vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.
>
>ARTICLE X: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American
>means that you have the right to pursue happiness - which by the way,
>is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic
>laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.
>
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