> "Every time I came to the end of a block and stepped off the goddam curb, I had this feeling that I'd never get to the other side of the street. I thought I'd just go down, down, down, and nobody'd ever see me again. Boy did it scare me. You can't imagine...Then I started doing something else. Every time I'd get to the end of a block, I'd make believe I was talking to my brother Allie. I'd say to him "Allie, don't let me disappear. Allie don't let me disappear. Allie don't let me disappear. Please, Allie." And then when I reached the other side of the street without disappearing, I'd thank him." this is just my opinion, but i think that holden was afraid the CHILD in him was disappearing each time he crossed the street. if the road represents something like....excuse the cliche, but the road of life, this is a break or curve in it, a crossroads really, some decision and some change needs to be made. the world he lives in forces him to make a decision at this point....he just wasn't ready to walk across it, so was uncomfortable and felt like he was losing the good innocent qualities....so he seeks help in someone who represents something he can always go back to, a child who will never grow up, and although it is sad, there is certain comfort in allie being dead. and it's sorta like he just wants to keep some part of himself untouched and doesn't think he can get through life without it, that sense of morality and innocence.....part of his personality kept under glass casing. but he can't, of course, he's faced with a street he must cross and is just not ready. i dont know, thats just the way i saw it.... JD