Re: One of Seymour's poems...

stutters embedded.

--- Michael J ANELLO <Michael.J.Anello@state.or.us>
wrote:
> oh i see, yes, seymour's LAST poem was the one
> before he committed suicide. it was the straight
> classical style haiku.

right. in japanese. in zooey buddy gives the poem in
english. doesn't say it's in japanese. in seymour an
intro NOW says it was in japanese, and here's my
paraphrase.

 
> this white cat widower poem is the last poem in
> buddy's COLLECTION of 184 seymour poems. buddy
> first read the white cat widower poem in 1948...when
> seymour was...how old? i'm assuming it was one of
> his later poems, which would be accessible to his
> old librarian miss overman.

31. the 184 poems were written during the last 3
years of seymour's life.

 
> is it meant to imply that with the little lady out
> of the picture, his old pussy lust will come back to
> bite him in the hand? tell me haikux...how can i
> make my poem warm up a little.

i don't know if yours needs to be warmer. my take on
haiku is that much can be implied; doesn't have to be
said. the first two lines of melanie's previous
version 'only his nightclothes/and moon for a widower'
rings right. your first 3 lines reads like cut up
prose. spying the moon is hackneyed. 'bored miss...'
is the line i like the best. i like the idea of the
bite being a blessing; but i don't like you outright
saying 'blessing'--if that makes sense. don't think
'on' in last line is necessary.

i almost want to say melanie's previous version--even
though it doesn't take into account 'full moon' and
'left'--would be awfully close if she substituted
'yawns' for 'who': ie, abandoned white cat/
approaches, yawns, rolls over/bites an offered palm.

just some thoughts.

 
> buddy says that he described the plot of the white
> cat widower poem "criminally"...which i took to mean
> that the words he used to describe the poem were
> very close if not exact to the actual poem...owned
> lawfully by seymour's widow and forbidden for buddy
> to use in his seymour intro.
>
>

i take 'criminally' to mean he hasn't used the words
of the poem. he's created a prose gloss of what is in
the poem and what's inferred. if he doesn't own the
poem, he can't use the exact words. remember hammy's
problem...

also: i see below you say cat was former kingpin
before wife. i didn't remember that. but not
'mistress'. young man and cat alone before he
marries?
--kim

v." dammit, i forgot that cat was "bored."
>
> > back to the drawing board...
> > cat was kingpin before wife. hm...
> >
> >
> > >>> ErsatzAzalea@aol.com 06/20/03 12:04PM >>>
> >
> > refurbished.
> >
> > only his nightclothes 5
> > and moon for a widower 7
> > on his dew-soaked lawn. 5
> > abandoned white cat 5
> > who approaches, rolls over, 7
> > bites an offered palm. 5
> >
> >
> > ~melanie
> >
> >
> > -
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>
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Received on Fri Jun 20 17:22:37 2003