RE: One of Seymour's poems...

an empty bedroom
on the lawn he is lying
full moon hangs above

dull ghostly feline
rolling over bites
widowers wounded left hand

Daniel

give him a hand, folks!

>>> daniel.yocum@Peterson.af.mil 06/20/03 02:14PM >>>
Offered palm? Buddha? I was picturing vegetation.
Daniel

melanie, don't give up now.

problems: 2nd line should read widower and hence 8
syllables.

why 'mistress'? cat is clearly a member of his
household, ie his cat? of course buddy wants us to
think of muriel. but not a mistress.

i love your use of palm instead of hand. the tender,
vulnerable part. and there's a buddha suggestion
here. the last line is excellent.

kim

--- ErsatzAzalea@aol.com wrote:
> last attempt
>
>
>
> > only his nightclothes 5
> > >and full moon for a widow 7
> > >on his dew-soaked lawn. 5
> white cat, bored mistress 5
> > slow approaches, rolls over, 7
> > >bites an offered palm. 5
> > >
> >
>
>
> ~melanie
RIBE BANANAFISH
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Received on Fri Jun 20 17:31:22 2003