RE: One of Seymour's poems...

an empty bedroom
on the lawn he is sitting
full moon above youth

dull ghostly approach
feline rolling over bites
widowers left hand

suburban? Lawn.
female cat (buddy refers to cat as "she")? feline implies
femininity.

Haiku should be selfless observation if in traditional vein.

Daniel

>>> daniel.yocum@Peterson.af.mil 06/20/03 02:31PM >>>
an empty bedroom
on the lawn he is lying
full moon hangs above

dull ghostly feline
rolling over bites
widowers wounded left hand

Daniel

give him a hand, folks!

>>> daniel.yocum@Peterson.af.mil 06/20/03 02:14PM >>>
Offered palm? Buddha? I was picturing vegetation.
Daniel

melanie, don't give up now.

problems: 2nd line should read widower and hence 8
syllables.

why 'mistress'? cat is clearly a member of his
household, ie his cat? of course buddy wants us to
think of muriel. but not a mistress.

i love your use of palm instead of hand. the tender,
vulnerable part. and there's a buddha suggestion
here. the last line is excellent.

kim

--- ErsatzAzalea@aol.com wrote:
> last attempt
>
>
>
> > only his nightclothes 5
> > >and full moon for a widow 7
> > >on his dew-soaked lawn. 5
> white cat, bored mistress 5
> > slow approaches, rolls over, 7
> > >bites an offered palm. 5
> > >
> >
>
>
> ~melanie
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Received on Fri Jun 20 17:50:10 2003