RE: One of Seymour's poems...

your comments are perfect, the challenge was calling out to see if the poem could be written, first with all of buddy's descriptions (judging and listing first those descriptions that are vital), second, if they can be put in a way that would crash buddy's system the way seymour's would have.

it's been proven that the contents can fit in the form...but it's yet to be proven if the contents can fit the form WELL...granted, what i have down is not a poem, in fact, calling it a laundry list would label it more poetry than it actually is.

i grant you get all of the hard facts of the prose
gloss into the poem, but do you get a poem out of the
hard facts?

i still find the opening weak. 2 syllables lost on
'upon'. the cliche 'spying the full moon' . seymour
writes something, granted, but did he write this? i
mean, the exercise wasn't simply to write 34 syllables
getting all the facts; i thought of it as to write
seymour's ACTUAL poem. i like the last three lines
okay but i don't think seymour's were those. if i
found the first three to be as strong, i'd shut up.
but i'm not willing to concede you've written a
seymouresque poem. but i applaud your ability and
persistent to get all that is in it. really i do.

--shamefaced kim

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Received on Thu Jun 26 18:01:31 2003