Subject: Of elevators and encounters
From: Malcolm Lawrence (Malcolm@wolfenet.com)
Date: Thu Feb 27 1997 - 17:38:11 GMT
"Oh no!!!!!! Oh shit! You're kidding?!! *gasp* That must mean, that I, myself, am insane, because I've done such a thing in an elevator!!!!!!!!"
"You've had a foot encounter?"
"Yes, I have. So that means I am insane and will kill myself. Good day."
"Will you tell us about it, or is it none of our business?..."
"It's none of yours or anybody else's god damned business. The only people
I will tell are Nichole, Emily, Freyja, Malcolm, and maybe Andy if he's
still on this fake ridden list even. "
I still haven't heard the elevator story, but for those still curious, the answer may lie below.
Malcs
------------------------------------------
50 Fun Things to Do in an Elevator
by Alan Meiss, ameiss@gn.ecn.purdue.edu
1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex
to other passengers.
3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering:
"Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
4. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World"
incessantly.
5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of
the elevator.
7. Shave.
8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside
ask: "Got enough air in there?"
9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear
yours upside-down.
10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall,
without getting off.
11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the
doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by
themselves.
12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol
coming!"
13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake
and ask them to call you Admiral.
14. One word: Flatulence!
15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it
stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the
shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
16. Do Tai Chi exercises.
17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then
announce: "I've got new socks on!"
18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back:
"Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"
19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.
20. Meow occassionally.
21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
22. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say
"oops!"
23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
24. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing
buttons.
25. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're
one
of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
28. Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"
29. Leave a box between the doors.
30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for
them.
31. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers
"through"
it.
32. Start a sing-along.
33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that
your
beeper?"
34. Play the harmonica.
35. Shadow box.
36. Say "Ding!" at each floor.
37. Lean against the button panel.
38. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to
the
other passengers that this is your "personal space."
41. Bring a chair along.
42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna
see
wha in muh mouf?"
43. Blow spit bubbles.
44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
45. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable
host
body."
46. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
48. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
49. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."
50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"
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