RE: a little project

russell dame (russell@mail.ttlc.net)
Thu, 06 May 1999 22:28:05 -0400 (EDT) 

Anyone heard of Hugh Gallagher? Apparently he's the one that wrote that boffo college application essay that was exhibit A in my AP English teacher's be creative speech like ten years ago. Anyway, the post below reminded me of it. For some reason all I remember about it was that old Hugh claimed to build scale model suspension bridges in the backyard in his spare time. Gallagher had a book called Teeth out last year that wasn't necessarily plagued with ideas, but he's 25 with a book and I'm 25 without one, so...Anyway, humorous post...

R


            >Thanks for the vote of confidence regarding the editorship but I suspect 
            >you are somehow delusional. I am the worst person for such a job. In fact, 
            >I 
            >hate writing. The sight of pencils make me red and sweaty and I start 
            >shaking profusely. Any sort of paper product sets me off into a blind rage 
            >and I end up "losing time" and taking it out on the neighborhood dogs and 
            >cats. Small children are frightened of me and I am undoubtedly a source of 
            >terror for them on the level of Keyser Soze. Charles Bukowski was a regular 
            >beauty horse compared to me as my face is pock marked all to hell from 
            >people using my face as an ashtray as I lay face down and passed out at the 
            >bar. I am a horrible drug addict with a penchant for violence. Every flat 
            >surface in my house has a glass or mirrored surface so that I am never 
            >inconvenienced for a place to cut out a line. Truth be told, my habit has 
            >grown to such a monumental proportion that I have to load a shotgun shell 
            >full of cocaine and shoot it directly into my skull with one of my many 
            >guns 
            >in order to get any sort of rush whatsoever. I am in full support of book 
            >burning on a global scale and would readily torch entire libraries, with 
            >the 
            >exception of the King James version of the Bible and Cujo (That book 
            >ROCKS!!!), if only my parole officer would allow me to possess a lighter or 
            >box of matches. I am only on this damned list because I thought it had 
            >something to do with explaining just exactly how The Catcher in the Rye is 
            >supposed to help me on my mission of destruction. (I heard that the cream 
            >of 
            >the crop of the crazies read Salinger and I am just trying to fit in.) 
            > 
            >So with that in mind I politely decline. 
            >Yours truly, 
            >-"Crazy" Jake 
            >