hello my dearest fishes!


Subject: hello my dearest fishes!
From: The Laughing Man (the_laughing_man@spray.se)
Date: Sun Nov 18 2001 - 09:36:19 GMT


Suddenly, as if I was only returning from a two-week country holiday, cheeks still blushing from the wind and the sun, I find myself looking right into the Bananafish bowl. The same old voices, the same personalities I constantly tried to figure out behind the oh so blunt object called Words (and, for me: foreign words, understandable yet definitely foreign; constructing sentences I could never totally imitate). Some new ones as well, mingling in the pond, bringing fresh news and thoughts from the outside world, but that kernel of oldies was still there, when I surfed into the October 2001 archive. Unshaven, my clothes worn down, I stayed a bit nervous in the hall, reluctant to enter. Yet, as soon as I searched and found my way, I knew couldn’t leave. So I dropped my card into the subscription box, and entered.

Hello. It is I, the man constantly crossing the Chinese-French border, a bag on my head but laughing none the less. For those of you who still remember me, I’m sorry I left you like that, a year and a half ago, fading away and then dropping out without a word. I’ve never been good at farewells, probably because I don’t know myself enough to realize I’m leaving. I always think I’ll just go for a quick walk, for a hot dog or a pack of cigarettes, but then one thing leads to another, and when I realize I should go back it feels as if is too late. I left my hotmail account alone for so long I couldn’t get back in when I returned.

This Friday, I felt extra reluctant to start working. Everything was set: a cup of hot, freshly grinded coffee on my desk; good morning-notches exchanged, the sound of the office slowly waking up now fading away into the background. My laptop was alive and ready, but I felt a longing I hadn’t allowed myself to act on before. I longed for you guys, for the fishes. For the bowl. So I searched the web. And you were still there, like I knew you would.

I’ve missed you. I’m a sentimental man, more so than Mr Glass senior, I’m afraid, and I won’t bore you with all the details; but I’ve missed you. How much I only totally realized when I started reading in the Archive. I could go on at length (those of you that remembers me know I’m lot lying) about that David Copperfield kind of crap, and I probably will at some time, but for now, all I want to say is that I never really been off my bananafish bike ever since I entered it.

Cecilia, Tim, Scottie, Will, Paul x 2, Jim, Vines, LR,
Bernd, Catherine – seeing your old names send warmth into the cold Swedish air. How about Mattis, Bruce, Matt and the others? Still here?

And to all of you I haven’t yet had the pleasure of knowing, hello!

/tlm

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