Roshi

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Don't know if this has anything to do with Salinger, but it's a funny story.

"Still thinking about virtue , I ask if he (Roshi) considers himself a
religious person? No, he says. I am not against religion, but it's an
inconvenience. What do you mean inconvenience? A long silence insues. I
suspect that he's annoyed with my question, but suddenly, he's back in
Israel where, for thirteen years before coming to New York, he maintained
what may have been the worlds most incongruous zendo in the Arab quarter of
Jerusalem." " Listen Larry-san, one day in Israel I diarrhea. Every fifteen
minutes go toilet. But must go Haifa for my zazen group, every Monday
evening. Taxi
from Jerusalem, one hour fifty minutes. Want to shit but driver won't stop.
Sitting there with seven other people, controlling diarrhea, one hour fifty
minutes. I am third generation Japanese priest. Buddha must help me, no?
Again and again I repeat sutras but diarrhea won't stop. Already down in my
anus! I can't hold it another forty minutes, so finally I tell driver he
must stop. Near airport, I search for a house where I can shit. First, Arab
house, then Israeli----both say no. I can't do anything. So I find corner
near electric pole, pull my pants down. Six, seven children gather circle,
shouting "Japanese! " I not care! But no toilet paper! What can I do? Must
use underpants! Children laughing and pointing "Japanese! Japanese!" Driver
blowing horn, calling me hurry. I not care! I discover paradise then! Great
paradise, it's going toilet. Even though I trust my family tradition, the
fact that I am religious, that Buddha, my God will help me. Well-----nothing
help! Just shitting, that's my paradise! Great discovery! Must take care
myself! Understand? Buddha not take care. God not take care. Must take care
myself! Belief or not belief, don't count Larry---san ! Only action help! I
am stupid testing Buddha to help at hard time. Buddha, he say, "No you go
shitting!"


  from "Ambivalent Zen"
  by Lawrence Shainberg


Paul Miller

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