Re: Suicide?
Tim O'Connor (oconnort@nyu.edu)
Fri, 23 Apr 1999 11:35:28 -0400
On Thu, Apr 22, 1999 at 06:33:30PM -0400, Paul Kennedy wrote:
> Tim, you really ought to explain exactly HOW present those ducks can be!
>
> This reporter has it on extremely reliable authority that the south Central
> Park flock (which didn't go ANYWHERE this winter) systemmatically attacked
> the webmaster for the bananafish list when he attempted to converse with
> them in respectable Mandarin earlier this year....
>
> ....confirm or deny
True, it's all true.
I was sitting on a bench with some crazy reporter, thinking about giving
somebody a buzz, when all of a sudden these ducks, led by what appeared to
be a Maoist Canadian goose who had raided the Lagavulin distillery on
his way south, surrounded us and made demands in a most foul manner. I
reminded him that we were discussing Holden Caulfield, a fellow who
would, if he could, have devoted his life to rubbing "fuck you" off the
wall wherever he found it, a fellow who didn't like such talk, and they
muttered that when E.B. White sat on that very same bench, he always
brought some crumbs or a bit of lunch. "I ain't no E.B. White," I
said, in Peking Duckese, and that seemed to mollify them, because they
all walked off together, grumbling.
They were not wearing their South Central colors, so I felt less
menaced. They might have been imposters, you know. The real ones
would probably have tossed me into the lagoon, which in March is a
quagmire.
> PS--We have the tapes!
Oy, it's true, and I'm being blackmailed into admitting all this!
--tim