for sean c


Subject: for sean c
From: Jive Monkey (monkey_jive@hotmail.com)
Date: Thu Dec 14 2000 - 23:08:52 GMT


>>BUSH LEGAL TEAM SUES SANTA CLAUS
>AUSTIN, Tx (Dec. 4) - Attorneys for Texas Governor George W. Bush filed
>suit
>in federal court today, seeking to prevent Santa Claus from making his list
>and then checking it twice. The complaint seeks an immediate injunction
>against the beloved Christmas icon, asking the court to effectively ban his
>traditional practice of checking the list of good boys and girls one
>additional time before packing his sleigh.
>The suit, filed in the Federal District Court of Austin, Texas, asks a
>federal judge to "hereby order Mr. Claus to cease and desist all repetitive
>and duplicative list-checking activity, and certify the original list as
>submitted, without amendment, alteration, deletion, or other unnecessary
>modification."
>"There are no standards for deciding who is naughty, and who is nice. It's
>totally arbitrary and capricious. How many more times does he need to
>check?
>This checking, checking, and re-checking over and over again must stop
>now,"
>said former Secretary James Baker.
>Baker further claimed that unnamed GOP observers witnessed an elf removing
>all boys named Justin from the 'nice' list, filing them under 'naughty'
>instead because "everyone knows all boys named Justin are brats."
>Gov. Bush cited the potential for unauthorized list tampering, and blasted
>what he called the "crazy, crazy mess up there at the North Pole."
>"Their security is really awful, really bad," said Bush. "My mother just
>walked right in, told 'em she was Mrs. Claus. They didn't check her ID or
>nothing."
>Meanwhile, Dick Cheney, Gov. Bush's running mate, issued a direct plea to
>St.Nick himself. "Mr. Claus, I call on you to do the honorable thing, and
>quit checking your list. The children of the world have had enough. They
>demand closure now," Cheney said, adding that his granddaughter has already
>selected a name for the pony she's asked for.
>The Rev. Jesse Jackson was quick to respond to this latest development with
>plans to lead his protesters from Florida to the North Pole via dogsled.
>The
>"Million Man Mush" is scheduled to leave Friday.
>"We need red suits and sleighs, not law suits and delays," Jackson said.
>Santa Claus could not be reached for comment, but a spokeself said he was
>"deeply distressed" by news of the pending legal action against him. "He's
>losing weight, and he hasn't said 'Ho Ho' for days," said the spokeself.
>"He's just not feeling jolly."
>A weary nation can relate.
>
>

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This archive was generated by hypermail 2b25 : Tue Jan 02 2001 - 18:02:57 GMT