Re: quote of the day
jordie chambers (jordiekc@rocketmail.com)
Fri, 11 Jun 1999 02:06:45 -0700 (PDT)
> It could be a rough paraphrase (or a different
translation), but my
> copy, translated by Stanley Corngold, says:
>
> While [Gregor's parents] were talking in this vein, it
occurred almost simultaneously to Mr. and Mrs. Samsa, as
they watched their daughter get livelier and livelier,
that lately, in spite of all the troubles which had turned
cheeks pale, she had blossomed into a good-looking,
shapely girl. [...] And it was like a confirmation of
their new dreams and good intentions when at the end of
the ride their daughter got up first and stretched her
young body.
>
> Kind of sort of close, but let's see what Scottie has to
say....
>
> --tim
That's really interesting, my version doesn't read much
differently in context, translated by Joachim Neugroschel,
ends like this:
As they were conversing, both Mr. and Mrs. Samsa, upon
seeing the daughter becoming more and more vivacious,
realized almost in unison that lately, despite all the
sorrows that had left her cheeks pale, she had blossomed
into a lovely and shapely girl. [Lapsing into silence and
communicating almost unconsciously with their eyes, they
reflected that it was high time they found a decent
husband for her.] And it was like a confirmation of their
new dreams and good intentions that in the end of their
ride the daughter was the first to get up, stretching her
young body.
Frankly, I am drunk, but I like the latter version better.
As a writer, I'm told to emphasize character and to
forget the rules if clarity is at stake. The rules often
say, to beginning writers, to avoid progressive tenses if
you're writing in a passive voice (was, -ed's, when he did
this, he had, etc.) Your version uses a more passive
voice (a kind of voice where 'was' and past tenses
predominate, no '-ings') -ings are progressive tenses and
they add to a storie's immediacy, sometimes. I'd never
noticed how differently two translations could read
before. This is probably just my own aside, 'betcha
Scotty doesn't know squat about this stuff. Do ya' Scotty
- huh, huh?
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