Re: Writer's on this List
Colbourne (colby@online.net.pg)
Mon, 23 Mar 1998 20:42:20 +1000
I apologise because my posts always seem Cumbersome and Out of Place and
I always seem to be Asking for Help and being unforgiveably Young and
Naive. Nonetheless...
I've been looking for some entry point to discussions of Writing and it
seems I have found it.
I'm only 17 and for me, words are the best way to approximate any vision
of reality. I'm in Year 12 now, and my parents won't let me out of it.
Obviously, I love Learning, but it's the Education System that burns me.
As I can see no vocation in any way similar to that of Professional
Child, as I so clearly am, and since becoming a Politician would place
me in that realm of Filthy Childishness that I try so hard to avoid, I
must suppose that I am a writer. Somewhere along the line of
self-torment that is me I just said 'I'm writing.' If I could be LIKE
anybody, without actually BEING anybody, I would like to be a something
balanced precariously between Salinger and Milne
(Winnie-the-Pooh-Style). I don't want to be famous or anything, all I
want is to say as best I can, as concise as I can, exactly what I am
trying to say. I want to say TRUE things, I favour Honesty not because
of any ethical beliefs, but because it's Just So Damn Practical and it
tastes better and is easier to compress into few words. I only write
short stories, although this is probably due to my Inherent Youthful
Impatience. When I say short, I mean literally little longer than 1000
words. I suppose my English Work is good because all of my English
teachers have at one stage or another taken me Aside, for the English
Teacher Taking Student Aside, aside that is only occassioned in response
to extremely bad behaviour or English Potential. The problem is, I've
never been able to evaluate myself at anything I do. At Rugby, I would
sprint down the field Forrest Gump Style and whenever my momentum was
stopped I would inevitably ask 'Did I do good?' I require constant
verbal acknowledgement and encouragement because I'm unable to appraise
myself. It's the same for writing. A few days ago I considered posting
'Can a Writer live off the money he makes from Being a Writer?' before I
remembered Vladimir's comment, something to the extent of
'Of course I was a writer' [Gesturing to rags]
So I honestly don't know what to do with myself. I'd like to join some
sort of Writing Thing that would tell me What I'm Doing Wrong without
Wrecking My Style, presuming I have some degree of style. I'd like to be
taken under the collective proverbial wings but I don't want to be on 60
minutes some day claiming that The Story About the Boy Who Feared He
Didn't Exist (that's not the title) was in actual fact written by little
old me and that I wanted a good deal of the movie royalties. My stories
aren't really like that. I think they might be crap though. Anyway, it
appears as though after Year 12, Circumstance has placed me
Geographically in a position in which it is impossible to get anything
but a sort of secretarial job at the High Commision in this erm country.
That's only for 1 year though. I suppose during that time I will write
some short stories and I will make a feeble attempt to get them
published or I will send them to an old English teacher and he will tell
me not to bother, and I will become a Phony Baloney. The thing about
Phonies is that they just don't know they are. Sometimes I see things,
they really annoy me, sort of like the little details Holden sees, and
if I write about them I Feel Better. I live for anecdotes. The thing is,
the people I see who don't see things don't know that they can't see,
and they get to walk around blind. Often I'd like to be like that. I
don't like this kind of awareness that I have, and yet it is a sort of
naivety as well. Sometimes I'd rather be Blind and Unaware. That's all I
have to say right now. If there are any apparent parallels between what
I write and Proper Writers, they are just the Influences that the Writer
takes before he Writes His Own Stuff.
Isn't there some sort of Test that will tell me I'm a writer and should
die if I don't, or some single criteria or something?
At the moment I'm studying Winnie the Pooh, because of that Zen Pooh
Book I know of but haven't read and can't remember. I'm actually reading
'The House at Pooh Corner' and it's One of the Best Things I've Read. I
think that maybe I'm understanding Zen now, it does sort of have it's
own logic.
Milne uses only 100 different words or so but it's so clear what he's
saying. I should be happy if I could write like that.
"Rabbit's clever," said Pooh thoughtfully.
"Yes," said Piglet, "Rabbit's clever."
"And he has Brain."
"Yes," said Piglet, "Rabbit has Brain."
There was a long silence.
"I suppose," said Pooh, "that that's why he never understands anything."
Seeking to Shed his Brain While Maintaining Some Degree of Conventional
Career Direction,
Godot.