creative writing class

I don't mean to pass entertaining office email along to the list, but this
one seems relevant with several English teachers being on the list. If
this isn't relevant, please disregard. I edited some of the language
myself.

JPB

Subject: creative writing class

Creative Writing Class

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Here's
a prime example offered by an English professor from the
University of Phoenix:

"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The
process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his

or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the
first
paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and

send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then

add another paragraph to the story and send it back also sending another
copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on
back
and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to
keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of
the
e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The
story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:
Rebecca (last name deleted), and Gary (last name deleted).

--------------------------------------------------------
THE STORY:
(first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times,
that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her
mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about

him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of
the question.
---------------------------------------------------------

(second paragraph by Gary)

Meanwhile, Commander Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in
orbit
over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses
of
an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with
whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "Commander Harris to
Geostation 17,???" he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar
orbit
established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off

a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through
his
ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his
seat and across the cockpit.
---------------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one
last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever
had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth
stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.

"Congress passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie
read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and
bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days

had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no
television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the
beautiful things around her.
"Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered
wistfully.
---------------------------------------------------------
(Gary)

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of

miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mother ship launched the first of its
lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the
Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the Congress had left Earth
a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to
destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty
the
Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying
enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them,
they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile
entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret Mobile
submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and
85
million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference
table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em
out of the sky!"
---------------------------------------------------------

(Rebecca)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing

partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.
---------------------------------------------------------

(Gary)

Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at
writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have chamomile
tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F---ING TEA??? Oh no, I'm such an
air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."

---------------------------------------------------------

(Rebecca)

Assh-l-.

---------------------------------------------------------

(Gary)

Bitch.

---------------------------------------------------------

(Rebecca)

D-CK!

---------------------------------------------------------

(Gary)

Sl-t.

---------------------------------------------------------

(Rebecca)

Get f----d.

---------------------------------------------------------

(Gary)

Eat s---.

---------------------------------------------------------

(Rebecca)

F--- YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!

-------------------- -------------------------------------

(Gary)

Go drink some tea - wh-r-.

**********************************************

(TEACHER)
A+ - I really liked this one. Only group to get an A.

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Received on Thu May 15 15:54:13 2003