Re: creative writing class

I've seen this before. It was set up as an in-class exercise the first
time I read it, though. I'm wondering if this is an urban myth of some
sort?

still pretty funny, though.

Jim

John P Baumgardner wrote:

>I don't mean to pass entertaining office email along to the list, but this
>one seems relevant with several English teachers being on the list. If
>this isn't relevant, please disregard. I edited some of the language
>myself.
>
>JPB
>
>
>Subject: creative writing class
>
>Creative Writing Class
>
>Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Here's
>a prime example offered by an English professor from the
>University of Phoenix:
>
>"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The
>process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his
>
>or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the
>first
>paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and
>
>send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then
>
>add another paragraph to the story and send it back also sending another
>copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on
>back
>and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to
>keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of
>the
>e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The
>story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."
>
>The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:
>Rebecca (last name deleted), and Gary (last name deleted).
>
>--------------------------------------------------------
>THE STORY:
>(first paragraph by Rebecca)
>
>At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
>chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
>reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times,
>that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her
>mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about
>
>him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of
>the question.
>---------------------------------------------------------
>
>(second paragraph by Gary)
>
>Meanwhile, Commander Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in
>orbit
>over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses
>of
>an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with
>whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "Commander Harris to
>Geostation 17,???" he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar
>orbit
>established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off
>
>a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through
>his
>ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his
>seat and across the cockpit.
>---------------------------------------------------------
>(Rebecca)
>
>He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one
>last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever
>had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth
>stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.
>
>"Congress passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie
>read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and
>bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days
>
>had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no
>television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the
>beautiful things around her.
>"Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered
>wistfully.
>---------------------------------------------------------
>(Gary)
>
>Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of
>
>miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mother ship launched the first of its
>lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the
>Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the Congress had left Earth
>a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to
>destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty
>the
>Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying
>enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them,
>they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile
>entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret Mobile
>submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
>inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and
>85
>million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference
>table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em
>out of the sky!"
>---------------------------------------------------------
>
>(Rebecca)
>
>This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing
>
>partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.
>---------------------------------------------------------
>
>(Gary)
>
>Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at
>writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have chamomile
>tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F---ING TEA??? Oh no, I'm such an
>air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."
>
>---------------------------------------------------------
>
>(Rebecca)
>
>Assh-l-.
>
>---------------------------------------------------------
>
>(Gary)
>
>Bitch.
>
>---------------------------------------------------------
>
>(Rebecca)
>
>D-CK!
>
>---------------------------------------------------------
>
>(Gary)
>
>Sl-t.
>
>---------------------------------------------------------
>
>(Rebecca)
>
>Get f----d.
>
>---------------------------------------------------------
>
>(Gary)
>
>Eat s---.
>
>---------------------------------------------------------
>
>
>(Rebecca)
>
>F--- YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!
>
>-------------------- -------------------------------------
>
>(Gary)
>
>Go drink some tea - wh-r-.
>
>**********************************************
>
>(TEACHER)
>A+ - I really liked this one. Only group to get an A.
>
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Received on Thu May 15 15:56:34 2003