I'm with ya, brother Jake. My curent philosophy: We are doomed to only want what we cannot have and only be offered that which we do not want. Namaste, Thor >Thor wrote: > >Once you have a taste for the finer knowledge, you cannot go back to the > >baser, beastial pleasures. I am grateful that I'm a (former) Mensa >member, > >but knowledge and philosophy have not brought me joy. I'm currently > >entertaining the notion that knowledge/wisdom and happiness are mutually > >exclusive. I entertain suicidal fantasies daily. I am compelled to read >& > >know more. Knowledge satisfies my thirst, but it does not make me >happy... > >And just what is to be considered Finer Knowledge? I mean, I struggle with >introspective bullshit thoughts and feelings and questions that I pose to >myself almost daily. (Not to mention entertaining the old Hemingway exit.) >I >look around and see many people whose one true worry in life seems to be if >their socks match their shirts. Some movie I watched last night had this >woman offering a toast to her companion. The toast was something like >"Those >of us who know better still get up in the morning anyway". And I agree. >Regardless of how easy or hard it is to be wise. Sometimes I find myself >wishing aloud even that I was "like them". All carefree and happy. But who >is to say? I seriously doubt that wisdom could ever hold the hand of >happiness. And I have countless reasons that are too many to fit here. >(Like >Fermat's Last Theorem where he states he found a marvelous proof but had no >room in the margins to write it.) But I do consider myself to be wise. And >doesn't that make me stupid? (Plato?) There are times when I secretly wish >that people could get a load of all the books I have going on my >nightstand. >Would Good Will Hunting been as cool if he didn't have the asshole college >guy to spout off to about all the books he knew and the philosophies he >adopted? And there are other times when I wish that I had a drivers license >and even a damned automobile. That way I could show the macho guys whats >under my proverbial hood and chicks would just go crazy. There are times I >want to go out fishing and catch the biggest fish. (Maybe I could grow a >mustache by itself and hunt.) But the problem is that I never want the >women >that would think that sort of stuff to be desirable. But just why the hell >isn't it? I take up eighteen different hobbies at a time just to keep >myself >going. Just for something to do. I am painting a new one every other day at >least just to try and convince myself there is some point. I come to work >and check my mail and actually look forward to what you all have to offer >on >this list. Meanwhile the secretary checks her stocks as much as I check >this >list and I used to scoff at her. But who is better off? She is dumb as a >box >of hair but seems happy as hell with little pictures of her children and >pets and all that crap. And I am not unhappy mind you. I am really liking >the way things are going for me. I just wonder if the white trash mobile >home people can ever be truly without Finer Knowledge. I just wonder if I >can ever be truly happy with it. >I still get up in the morning. >Solid handshakes, >-Jake > > _______________________________________________________________ Get Free Email and Do More On The Web. Visit http://www.msn.com