Re: "*Leave* something beautiful"
craig king (ck31@ukc.ac.uk)
Thu, 21 Oct 1999 01:37:13 +0100
yes hello,
been reading simone weil. something in there (excuse my inconsistencies but
i've just returned from the pub) about desiring and attaining. she says (I
think): the incessant desiring of a thing creates a void. that void is the
consequence of attachment, the self-perpetuating desire towards things with
little value in themselves other than the fact that they are desired. we may
desire god, or connection with god, or at least to minimise the distance.
but there's no attainment. so why desire when there's no chance of
attainment (spinoza comes in here, big time)? or rather *how* to desire when
there's no chance of attainment since the why is not a tricky one. here i
have reached in the reading of my simone weil book. i'm guessing she'll go
on to say that faith is the bridge between desire and attainment. i'm also
guessing that faith transforms that desire into something more constant and
grace is the transforming element that strengthens that desire.
now, something occurs to me. i smoke. so does zooey, albeit cigars (trust
me, there's bound to be a connection here somewhere). i finish a cigarette
and thus appears in my mind the awareness that soon (minutes, hours) i will
have another. i desire another, that most bodily of things, smoke in the
lungs, sensation, yay, here comes another b & h. zooey's smoking, i'm
thinking (drink-addled as i am), is a small part of his make-up that builds
up a character that prevents itself from desiring that thing beyond desire.
god (etc. :-). not being a stupid man, i would guess he knows it. so he
smokes, continues to think he's a 'freak', one small part of his reluctance
to pursue the state beyond desire, or at least the purification of desire.
he can't do it. shown the way, reluctant to follow. i'm not saying this is a
lead-pipe-in-the-kitchen-miss-scarlet kind of clue, a revelation, but i
think it connects (only connect - as dear old forster said) to the story.
small things compose salinger i would say. a composite. all weaved in
without clear distinction and apparent relevance. shower curtains and
cigars. and i like it that way. that i would come home, light a cigarette
and think, glance at the pink cover of f&z and go hmmm . . .
desire, attainment.
or lack of.
and what i desire now is bed.
and i now about to attain it.
nighty night.
craig