Re: Criteria time
Tim O'Connor (tim@roughdraft.org)
Thu, 08 Jan 1998 22:08:51 -0500
> eh, I gotta be honest with you, a person who sees someone's disagreement with
> their opinion (even a vociferous disagreement) as "slapping them down" should
> be prepared to be a victim all their lives.
Disagreement is one thing. There's nothing bad about that. (That's what a
large part of this list is about.) But what I object to is seeing one
subscriber belittle another's remark nearly in an ad hominem fashion. For
example, I could say what I'm saying now, or I could be an ass and say
something like this (which I want to note -- in advance -- is make-believe,
completely for the sake of argument): "Obviously you have been raised in
some kind of bubble where you never had to face the consequences of what
you say or do. You probably stand in the middle of the room at parties and
harass people who don't worship every word you say, and I'll bet you kick
dogs, too. Your knowledge of literature makes me puke because you're so
busy thinking about yourself that you don't bother to think about
characters in the books you read."
(Well, that's not so nasty, but I am in an inexplicably good mood tonight.)
The point is that there are people here who are shy about coming forth and
speaking, and it is possible to disagree with them, or to let them know you
interpret things differently, without seeming to browbeat them. In other
words, it's usually as easy to be polite as to be rude, and when people
make a first posting and then say they feel beaten-up over it, I suggest
that we take that reaction into consideration and think about how to
disagree in a way that is educational, not confrontational.
> And they would certainly deserve it. After all, they're doing it to
> themselves :) We can't do anything about what other people do, we can only
> control how we view it and then react to it. Course, it Is always much
>easier
> to put all responsibility onto others...
We can't control what other people do (e.g., walking to or from work, I
invariably pass a bum urinating in someone's doorway), but we can influence
them, or (in the case of The Urinator) try to make it stop happening. If
someone says "I'm really upset about what you said about my posting," maybe
-- just maybe -- there's some merit to what they say, and we should listen.
I don't think people here hold others responsible for their actions as a
way out. It's more like having a Lane Coutell come in and ask your opinion
about a writer you love, and then have him belittle the writer in front of
everyone else. There's no excuse for that, unless Mr. Coutell is in need
of some, ah, testicularity, as he likes to say. The Lane Coutells of the
world are everywhere around us. There's no need to foster that atmosphere
here.
At least, that's how I see it. If anyone disagrees, please say so. It's
entirely possible that I'm off-the-wall!
--tim