RE: One of Seymour's poems...

again, daniel, you are very creative even in a mere
reply post.

have got to shut down this machine and go home.

kim

--- Yocum Daniel GS 21 CES/CEOE <d
> Flowers are for smiles they are not
> signatures but they do
> reflect something, how could so much ordered dust
> make a soul sing? I am
> talking genuine authentic flowers, and not self
> witnessed-authenticated
> ones.
> Daniel
>
>
>
>
>
> daniel,
>
> thanks for your reply re japanese haiku and samurai,
> etc.
>
> no, your poem isn't as you describe below. i liked
> several aspects of it.
>
> it's that we can't expect to get these things right
> the first or tenth time UNLESS we are basho or rilke
> or take-your-pick. inspiration, rewriting,
> inspiration, rewriting ... until one's artistic
> conscience can honestly say, 'this is really it'.
>
> to write ten real poems in a lifetime is to be never
> forgotten.
>
> kim
>
> --- Yocum Daniel GS 21 CES/CEOE
> <daniel.yocum@Peterson.af.mil> wrote:
> > Thanks Kim, now my poor poem looks like a daisy
> with
> > all its petals falling
> > off, I thought I could press it in a book but now
> > its just mulch.
> > Daniel
> >
> > --- Yocum Daniel GS 21 CES/CEOE
> > <daniel.yocum@Peterson.af.mil> wrote:
> > > an empty bedroom
> > > on the lawn he is sitting
> > > full moon above youth
> > >
> > > dull ghostly approach
> > > feline rolling over bites
> > > widowers left hand
> > >
> >
> >
> > i like first line.
> > rhythm of second line limps; odd construction?
> > 3rd: 'above' redundant? youth is wrong, i think.
> > widowers generally are not youths.
> >
> > 4th: very good. though don't like 'dull'
> > 5th: a lot of action in this line; too much?--or
> one
> > could say it mimics a quick movement by cat.
> though
> > i
> > think of the bite as a stately action. and not
> > coming
> > so quickly after rolling over.
> > 6th: ties in first line nicely. and has that
> > crucial
> > 'left business' which the family picked on, and
> > buddy
> > hotly defended.
> >
> > kim
> >
> > __________________________________
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Received on Fri Jun 20 19:52:14 2003